Are U.S. women really liberated?

IN DECEMBER, HBO presented Every Fucking Day of My Life, a film that documents a horrific story of domestic abuse. The film is a shocking view into what Wendy Maldonado and her four sons endured for 18 years at the hands of her husband and their father, Aaron Maldonado.

Wendy and her 17-year-old son Randy were driven to brutally murder Aaron with a hammer and an ax as he lay in bed. Despite the cold-blooded nature of this crime, it's hard not to defend their actions as the only choice they had to escape their life of torture.

After Wendy and Randy attack Aaron, they are more horrified by the possibility that he survived the attack than that he died. After calling 911 to report what she did, the dispatcher asks Wendy if her husband had tried to hurt her, to which Wendy responds, "Every fucking day of my life."

While watching their life of abuse, one is left to comb over every possible option for how they could have gotten out without having to kill, let alone having to serve a prison sentence (10 years for Wendy and six years for Randy).

We are told over and over again that victims of domestic abuse have choices, and basically need to find the courage to get out of their situation. The common options include calling the police, telling someone, leaving the marriage, enduring the abuse or fighting back. But the film quickly makes clear that Wendy and her son's effective choices were few and far between.

Why didn't she call the police? Wendy did. She called numerous times, only to have to turn the police away with lies that everything was alright out of fear that Aaron would increase his abuse against them. In the film, we're told how Aaron sends Wendy out to convince the police to leave, threateningly reminding her that the children are inside the house with him.

Why didn't she tell someone? In the film, her sister, mother and friends admit to knowing that Wendy was abused, but did not know what to do since Wendy would tell them she feared it would make the abuse worse if anyone tried to help.

Why didn't she leave? Wendy's son explains how his father would tell the children that if their mom ever left him, he would kill each member of the family and extended family until she came back to him. Another son tells how they would be forced to watch their mother "beaten until a human would die," but as he said while sobbing, his mom "got used to it."

Why didn't she endure it? This is what Wendy and her children did for an unbelievably long time. Wendy's charming personality shows a woman who had perfected the ability to cover up her abuse with creativity and humor. The numerous holes in the walls, where Aaron smashed her head in, were covered up with her son's art. In the film, we see her joke as she takes out her dental bridge in front of her sister, who never knew that most of Wendy's teeth were fake because they were knocked out by Aaron.

Why didn't she fight back? Ultimately, Wendy did fight back, and as she explains, she "chewed off her leg to get" her and her children "out of a bear trap." Throughout the film, from her children to her mother to her neighbors, Wendy and her son are considered heroes. Even the judge, who reluctantly sentences them to the mandatory prison terms, recognizes a need for the law to have some way to deem certain homicides justifiable.

Wendy's story ends horrifically, but her long enduring reality is not a rare experience for women in America. Close to 5 million physical assaults and rapes are committed against women every year by their intimate partners. Every week, 21 women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends.

These numbers are surprisingly high in a country that considers itself modern and liberated, especially where women's rights are concerned. If this phenomenon is so widespread and silently endured, what does this say about our system?

It's easy to ask why Wendy didn't think of a better solution to her problem, but there are harder questions that really need to be answered. Where was the mental health care to step in and effectively address Aaron's actions towards his loved ones? Why is it acceptable for police to kill hostage takers, but criminal for hostages of domestic violence to fight back? Are societal stressors such as financial problems driving people to abuse and accept abuse as a normal part of family life?

Despite their long prison terms, the film comes strangely close to convincing the viewer that Wendy and her son's crime was necessary to win their freedom from an everyday life of abuse. At the very least, the viewer is left wondering if justifiable murder is on the list of solutions for domestic violence, how truly liberated are women in America?
Nevin Sabet, Ithaca, N.Y.